Healing Relationships in Conflict - One day when riding a bus I observed a mother feeding her infant. Before the infant could reach for the spoon, the mother would push the food into the baby's mouth. It was obvious that the infant was trying to maneuver the spoon herself. After awhile the baby started crying, but finally gave up reaching for the spoon.
    The mother might have been tired, or had a bad day. She also could have been reliving what was repeated with her as an infant. If the mother was unconsciously repeating an old pattern -for instance, controlling her child as she had once been controlled - this interaction could be repeated over and over with her infant, resulting in a characteristic response the infant would develop later as an adult.
    As an adult this person might reject anything that is offered, even love, because the greater, more familiar need, would be to repeat an old pattern, ending up in disappointing love relationships. This is unconscious - a response ingrained in character. In other words, this person may consciously experience the need for love, and unconsciously provoke disappointment. Because this conflict is deeply a part of one's personality, quick "cures" do not often address the conflict.

How therapy works - Change can take place and more satisfying relationships can be created when a person gains an intellectual and emotional awareness of destructive relationship patterns.